Discipline and Manners:
Teaching Life Lessons
By Using Fun and Games

As the parent of a small child, do you often feel discipline and manners has somehow become a lost art in your child's life?

Discipline is normally the responsibility of the parent to teach and instill favorable traits in their child. Manners is a trait which needs to be shown and then nurtured so a young child can understand its purpose. Both of these personality traits, which if started young, a child can use and develop for their usefulness the rest of their life. Sometimes though, usually because of exuberance for the occasion, all of the talking, showing and praying can be thrown out the window in the excitement of the moment.

Therefore discipline and manners must be taught so the child realizes it is just as important to be thankful for a gift as it is to actually be the recipient of such a gift.

Another very important lesson to be taught in life is that giving is often more important than receiving.

This is a hard lesson for children to understand. But if the concept is not introduced, and the continuing lesson is not carried through during the year as the child ages, by the time a child reaches his/her teen to young adult years, a major portion of their upbringing has been neglected. The usual outcome is a short-tempered, bossy and often rude social behavior seems to become the norm in a child who always expects to receive more.

As with all lessons learned in life though, actual role playing the situation does generally yield better final results.

Below is a few scenarios which use the concept of fun and games to teach the concepts of discipline and manners. These happen to be fun, simple but very effective at instilling in your child a habit which you will be proud of in your children for their entire life.

• Birthday Bash/Alternative Gifts

Many of us have reached that age when a party with gifts is just a complete waste of your guests time and money. You don't need more stuff, so why put the guests through the hassle of finding something.

Or, how about the situation where you believe a certain cause is so important that you want to do anything you can to help them out but financially you just aren't in the position to offer any kind of donation.

Here's the easy way to teach your children a fantastic plan and help out a local (or national/international) organization with a donation sent in the birthday boy/girls honor.

Plan your party as usual but the invitations need to be marked:

"in lieu of gifts, please bring a donation of __________. All gifts received will be forwarded to the birthday girl/boys favorite charity, which is __________."

Some quick and simple ideas to use:

• Sock Party plus a few small toiletry items, personal packs of tissues, comb or brush etc. - Request anything which fits inside their pair of socks - give your donation then to a local nursing home, a homeless shelter, a local children's hospital ward etc.

• hire a professional hair stylist (or this is great if you have a relative or friend who is a stylist) and offer free haircuts - donate all the cut hair to an organization which assembles wigs for the cancer ward at the local hospital

• request donations of pet food dishes, collars, leashes, canned or dry food, flea products, blankets or used towels, paper towels or anything useful to your local rescue mission or humane league for the benefit of the cats, dogs, horses etc..

• request non-perishable food donations for the local food bank

• request good quality but worn clothing, blankets, dishes, shoes, coats or just anything their family no longer needs and offer them to a local church, Red Cross or Salvation Army etc..

As you can see this list can get endless. Find out what types of situations are available in your own local community or pick a national organization and have your guests help the birthday boy/girl to become the bearer of great tidings for one organization in great need.

• 10 cents For A Kind Thought Or Deed

Many people may think of this as bribery or something, but if you are a parent, or ever have been, I believe I can guarantee you have resorted to this tactic before to get your kid(s) to do what you want. So, this suggestion has been offered by a young girl in Nashville named C.P..

For the parents, what do you do when you have multiple children and they just won't get along? It seems like they are always picking on each other, being a pest, name-calling, bad-mouthing and on and on. We all know the scenario, somehow it seems to be part of growing up.

But as a parent, sometimes this attitude, or attention to each other, can get out of hand and you would give anything to find a way to stop it and make those kids realize what they are doing is not only tiresome but it can be destructive.

So, in this particular house in Nashville, C.P."s parents tried the following method. Actually, along with a little more peace and quiet, it also has the advantage of teaching the children money management and fiscal responsibility.

At the beginning of each month, the parents give a roll of dimes to each child. As the month progresses, every time one of the children gets out-of-line with their brother, sister (or even the family pet) and is called out on it, they must give up a dime, which gets placed in a charity jar. At the end of the month, any remaining coins in the roll is now the possession of the child. The contents of the charity jar is used to purchase an item and then donated to a local charity or organization in need.

Now, obviously, it won't take very long until the kids learn, the more they keep their mouth shut and be nice to their sibling, the richer they are at the end of the month.

Rules and regulations must be set up for the use of the remaining coins but as parents, you must realize, if all of the remaining coins go straight to a savings account, very soon the child is going to tire of this game because they never actually get any reward for actually trying to control their temper and stop lashing out with their sibling.

• Understanding The Joy In Giving

Many people have this mistaken impression they can not afford to give a donation to an organization dependent on the generosity of others.

After all, until all the kids get fed and clothed, pay for the house payment, get the car and necessary car repairs, pay the utilities and on and on, there just isn't anything left for charity.

But who ever decided a donation had to be monetary?

Try some of these quick and easy suggestions instead:

• adopt a family, friend or co-worker for Easter Sunday dinner or Thanksgiving dinner who might not have any family to celebrate with

• after all the kids have outgrown or went through all the hand-me-down clothes, anything still in good condition can be donated to Goodwill, the Salvation Army, a local church or children's home. This can also include books, toys or any other household goods your family no longer needs

• volunteer your time. Whether it is 1 hour a week or more, many organizations can use the help. Senior centers, Meals On Wheels, a local nursing home or day care, the local Humane League. This list can go on forever. Many, many organizations are totally dependent on the help they are given by volunteers.

• practice random acts of kindness. Clean your elderly neighbors sidewalk of snow, rake their leaves in the yard in the Fall, weed the garden or plant some flowers around their house. Visit the local nursing home and just talk to its residents, serve food at the local rescue mission. Check around your area and pick any organization that needs help for a few minutes or a few hours.

As you can tell, teaching your kids the art of just sharing themselves, their time and their energy can be just as much a gift as getting a new package to open on a major holiday.

• Face To Face Generosity And Giving

Pick anytime of the year to do this, but winter is especially nice in cold weather climates because other than the need being there, the gratitude of the recipient can be a life-changing event for the giver and the receiver.

Every town has a group of people that for one reason or another is down on their luck. It could be because of unemployment, lay-off, a medical condition, lack of housing and the list can go on and on.

Around Christmas time especially, many department stores have blankets on special at fantastic prices. Pick up several (or however many you can afford), buy a few simple food essentials and maybe some bottled water, a pair of mittens and gloves, a few toiletry essentials or any combination of small portable items a homeless person or any person in need may find useful just to get through one particular day.

Imagine getting up every single day and wondering how will I and my child make it through this day? Keep this thought front and center while shopping for your few essentials, wrap your entire bundle(s) in your blanket and hand deliver them to each person on your list.

How do you get a list of people? Check with your local churches, the women's shelter, an orphanage, the local nursing homes, the police department, a local rescue mission or maybe you actually have an area in town where the homeless seem to congregate.

Giving the gift face to face with its recipient is so much more meaningful than writing a check to a charity. The gratitude of the recipient can be accepted and coveted as a prize for their sincerity as a treasured memory of yours for years to come.

• A Christmas Idea: Passing Along The Wealth

Many families have reached that point in their life where a gift exchange at Christmas seems to be a pointless gesture.

Everyone needs nothing, the kids are grown or getting older anyway and bringing a bunch of useless items to a family gathering seems like such a waste of time and money for everyone concerned.

Keep this scenario but change up just a few things for this next year.

Set a dollar limit per gift, exchange names so everyone only has one name and go Christmas shopping for that person as if they were a child.

Use your imagination and pick any gift this person would have loved when they were 3 years old, 7 years, 13 years or whatever, as long as you know during their childhood they would have had this item on their Christmas list if Santa would just have brought it.

Wrap it up and every person now gets to open their childhood gift the day of the party. The conversations this game alone can generate is priceless.

At the end of the exchange, collect all the gifts and donate them to a local church, orphanage, Toys For Tots or any kind of Youth organization which can put them to good use for the kids of your area.

• A Chain Of Good Deeds

Many people have started the custom that instead of taking the christmas tree down each year, they decorate it during the year for other holidays. This year, how about starting a new tradition making a family chain of good deeds..

This can be a family affair or use a smaller tree for each child's bedroom.

Remember those paper chains we used to make when we were kids? Their novelty and style has outlived many a generation of kids into parents and grandparents.

So to start, cut out an assortment of colors (or pick the colors of your choice) of paper strips, one for each day of the year. Each strip should be about 1" wide by 6" to 7" long.

Ask that everybody do at least one good deed each day and bring this information and a description of their deed to the family dinner hour. During this time, each individual writes a short synopsis of their good deed on a strip and then start your chain. Add your strip (or strips) each day to the family tree or each child's tree.

Good deeds can be anything:

• you held the door open for someone at the mall
• you collected your neighbor's newspaper and placed it in his hands or on the porch
• you read a short story to your younger brother or sister
• you took the trash out for Mom after the dinner meal
• the dog got to go for an extra long walk tonight

As you can see, any type of good deed qualifies for a new chain link.

Actually this game is especially fun for the kids because as the year goes by they can physically see how their chain grows to decorate their tree.

• Thoughtfulness From A Jar

This idea is great to use for any member of the family or in your circle of friends, co-workers or even strangers. The age group of the recipient is irrelevant.

To start, decorate a large jar, box or a cookie tin which has a lid with some fabric, craft paints, magazine pictures or any other craft supplies of your choice. Whoever the recipient will be, try to match your designs to their personality, likes and dislikes.

After your container is ready, ask the kids (Mom and Dad can join in too if they are not the gift's recipient) to write out little notes which would brighten someone's day. Tell them why you love them, tell them about the upcoming day full of sunshine, tell them about your great day at school yesterday and hope they have one today. Obviously the content of the notes are not as important as the intention of brightening someone's day with a few chosen words of encouragement and hope. With the right touch of discipline and manners, you can even make up a theme up for the kid's to write about. Some possible suggestions could be:

• The reason I love you is...
• Mommy is my favorite because...
• Daddy is the best because...
• Hope the sun shines on you today because...
• My sister (brother) is my best friend in the world because...
• Going to grandma and grandpa's house is the best because...
• I have the best teacher in the school because...

As you can see, the person that receives the final gift will depend on the type of suggestions which are given.

When you have the jar filled with "sunshine notes" suggest the recipient open one note a day, a week or whatever timetable which is appropriate for your situation. As the weeks and year goes by, keep having the kids add new notes to the dwindling supply in your jar.

So with some simple lessons in the art of discipline and manners, your children can weekly write a few little personal notes of joy, goodwill, hopes and dreams, good wishes plus any other sentiments which can brighten anyone's busy day before they head off to work or school each day.

• Courtesy Speaks Volumes
  

Have you ever saw your family members go nuts when Christmas morning or a birthday arrives and at the gift exchange you become ashamed of your own children?

How can those little darlings of yours turn into absolute monsters ripping and tearing at paper and packages without taking even a second to look at or thank the giver for their generosity. Stacy Falk, a mother of two children, decided it was time her 5 and 3 year old children learned the meaning of the expression "showing their gratitude" by using some of their new-found discipline and manners.

Teaching your family members the simple attributes of discipline and manners by showing an act of appreciation, whether you like the gift or not, can be instilled in your family through the use of a simple gift giving exchange at home. Practice it daily or weekly a few months and then institute this procedure every time an event comes up which includes this situation. Before very long, as the parent, you are going to notice you no longer even have to request your children to use their manners. It will be instinctive that this is the correct procedure for accepting a gift from anyone.

The only supplies needed for this game is hand each family member a shopping bag, preferably with handles, so the kids can carry it easier, and ask everyone to "go shopping" in your own home for each family member. Pick out some object in your house that you wish to give to another member of your family. The only rule is every item must fit inside the shopping bag and be unseen.

It is kind of normal, some gifts will be for an item you know the other person will like, some will end up being gag gifts, some are going to be "what am I supposed to do with this", etc..As you finish your shopping, return to the starting point.

Upon everyone's return, it is now time for gift exchange. One person goes first, pulls out one of their items out and gives it to the person they chose it for. The only rule here is the recipient must thank them for the gift and say something nice about it.

Obviously, some gifts may become difficult. What if Mom ends end being given a pair of man's underwear or the sister ends up with a box of fishing worms. Or the other way could be, Dad ends up with a hammer or the young daughter ends up with a plush toy.

Irregardless of the gift, it is mandatory you must find something good to say about the gift you receive and express your thanks to the giver.

The fun and hilarity of this game comes just from trying so hard to figure out what's good about being given a "bag of garbage". But teaching the importance of discipline and manners plus the art of gratitude is the responsibility of every parent to their children. A lesson learned while they are young, played in the form of a game, will become a new skill they will be able to use the rest of their life.

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